he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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