Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
