So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
