So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
