WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
