dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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