with your own penis?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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