And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
