ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
