I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
