one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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