oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
