i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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