im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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