i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
