Umm I'm too high to move.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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