I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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