If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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