drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
