I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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