I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
