I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
