we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
