Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
