Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
