Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just had sex on a roof
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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