did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
