I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
