He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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