Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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