That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
