I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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