As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
