God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
