Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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