So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
