i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
