Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
