when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
