My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
