Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
