remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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