Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
