apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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