Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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