So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He better not be in your backpack
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
