You just made me feel so damn special
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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