Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
