wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
