I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
