Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
