Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
