I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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