I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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