when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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