How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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