i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
