reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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