onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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