ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
