So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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