A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
