This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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