I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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