The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
