just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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