White coat. Heels.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
