Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i have two assholes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
