Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
