Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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