I'm lost and stupid without you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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