I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
