So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
