hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
