After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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