our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
