well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
