I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
