3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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