don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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